Comparison kills your true potential, makes you feel behind, and leaves you restless.

We all know this, but we don’t stop because we imagine it’s crucial for our development.

But that is not entirely true, and in the race to compare, we unknowingly trap ourselves in a loop that kills our happiness.

1. The Roots: A Generational Cycle Inside Our Homes

From early childhood, the people around us—society and even schools—train us to compare.

Comparison traps us: we stop observing and experiencing, and we normalise comparing ourselves. Comparison’s not 100% wrong, but when negative, it can lead to depression, anxiety, stress, and make you constantly anxious.

The phenomenon starts at home—between children, siblings, and relatives —then moves into society and beyond.

Negative comparison is a slow poison that destroys your thinking patterns and harms your well-being.

It looks normal from the outside but weakens a person's true capabilities, skills, and inner voice, making them feel unacceptable. It’s not that other people don’t want the best for us; their unhelpful belief in comparison comes from their childhood environment.

Our parents compare us with others. Why? Because maybe their parents compared them too when they were young. Teaching them a better way is hard because they don't understand.

2. Personal Struggles: The Middle Child and Classroom Conditioning

I saw this problem as a kid. My parents focused more on my older and younger brother.

Maybe the first child is always loved the most, and the youngest is seen as needing more care.

Here are my thoughts:

When we start school, teachers focus on brilliant students rather than average students, and perhaps those who aren't good at studies.

But I don't think anyone is brilliant or dumb. When we are born, almost all of us have the same habits and behaviours.

I've noticed that the issue stems from negative comparisons.

It would help in the classroom if teachers focused equally on every student, especially those who struggle with studies, since they are afraid to ask questions. Maybe they fear being judged as less brilliant than their siblings.

Because of their fear, they stop asking.

Maybe they also want to learn and score good marks, but the environment sends the message that they are useless, worthless, and don’t have potential.

And perhaps you are a girl, and some teachers think girls are not as intelligent as boys, are narrow-minded, and are not brave enough to handle hard conditions.

3. The Pressure of Society, Jealousy, and the Law of Karma

Then comes societal pressure—comparison with others. People are not happy with what they have. They are more anxious and depressed about why others have more than they do.

Jealousy begins in childhood because of the bad habit of comparing oneself with others.

In my experience, people are never satisfied with the amazing life they have now; they are always chasing more.

They want to rise to the top of the pile, but they forget the wonderful Law of Karma.

I believe we are affected by karmic debts. I mention it because I also compared myself to others, thinking, “I am superior to that person” and “I have this that they don't have,” or “Why was she successful and I wasn’t when she isn’t as knowledgeable as me?” Why are they thriving when they didn't have resources?

Later, I stopped trying as hard, recognizing that the things I wanted but didn’t get weren't my destiny. Nothing is in our hands except living out our present Karma.

The supreme power we call Energy, God, Universe, or whatever you want to say—fate, destiny —has total control.

4. Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone and Trusting the Universe

When we focus on improving rather than comparing, we attract the exact things, people, and circumstances that eventually carry us toward our destiny.

Before, I felt my friends were advancing faster than I was. (They are successful, some are settled, and the rest are busy, whereas I am studying and following an academic path.) But I understand how the Universe works better now, and that much of what happens stems from the Law of Karma.

What you are doing now is your present karma, and you can improve, thrive, and focus your energy where it is useful.

We cannot change the past or control our future. We can only do our best right now (the present) and leave the rest, surrendering to the Universe.

If you want to free yourself from the trap of negative comparison, compare yourself only with your old self.

Improvement takes time. Challenges and struggles are important parts of our journey; they are our best teachers.

To achieve great things, we first have to step out of our comfort zone and see that negative comparison brings unhappiness, restlessness, and depression.

It helps to understand that we all are unique.

We are all perfect in our own ways. We have to accept that we all have different willpower and pace, and our thinking journey is unique.

5. The Power of Conscious Effort

The best way to cope is to focus on improving, because to thrive, we must make an effort. We cannot leave everything to chance, and hard work is necessary. When we start putting in effort and living in the present, our destiny aligns with us.

You automatically attract people, opportunities, guidance, support, and everything important for your existence.

6. Putting Ego Aside: Learning from the World Around Us

Comparison is not bad.

We can learn from others, but first we must set ego aside and want to do it.

Understand that what we see on the surface when we look at people is not always true. We cannot know the whole story of their lives—ups and downs, struggles, hard times, tears in a dark room, criticism, hatred, frustration.

We never know what happens "behind the closed doors." What we see is usually only the outer surface they want to show.

If you think negative comparison works, you may never be happy because it slowly kills your joy and your uniqueness.

Like slow poison, it destroys your present happiness and leaves you restless and uneasy.

To grow, we can learn from others, from the youngest child to the eldest, from insects to huge creatures, from animals to birds, and from plants to soil.

We have countless sources of wisdom.

If people understand this, they can live a happy, peaceful life without comparing themselves to others.

The Slow Poison of Comparison and the Power of Karma was originally published in Inner Light on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.